The Tree
by N.M.Marquette
Summary: As I walked through the park I noticed our tree. Do you remember our tree, Yusuke? Our first kiss. Our last goodbye. EDITED JULY 9, 2012.
1. Chapter 1 Winter

_Dearest Readers,_

_Today is Monday, July 9th 2012 and to think this story was written my sophmore year of high school, in 2005. How time flies! While I probably should delete this, in all its sappy glory, the fondness I feel for it hasn't waned in the slightest. So instead, I will just edit by fixing the unforgivable grammatical and spelling errors. I feel I should also adress that over the years there have been reviews that ask "why!" or state that they find this short stories main plot inplausible, and rightfully so! The reasons "why" were not given in this story, as it was originally intended to be a prequel to a much more lengthy story that ended up being lost in the workings of my life. Now I find myself having more time to write again and also have much more inspiration. So the sequel is in fact, finally, upcoming!_

_Until Next Time,_

_N. M. M._

**THE TREE: PARTING / GOODBYES**

As I walked through the park I noticed our tree. Do you remember our tree, Yusuke? We planted it when we were in kindergarten and it was about as tall as we were then. Now as I look at its bare branches weighed down with the falling snow, I can't help but remember everything. As if my memories are all stored in this solemn looking tree... our meeting, the games we played around its base, meeting Kuwabara and you beating him up. Your death and miraculous comeback. Koenma, Hiei, Kurama, and Botan. Yukina and Shizuru. Our first kiss…and our last goodbye.

I remember you led me here, holding my hand reassuringly in your strong grasp. As we reached the trunk you pulled me into your arms and rested your cheek upon my head, crushing me against your chest in a warm embrace and blocking out the harsh bite of the new winters wind. Slowly you pulled back and looked down at me with tears in your brown eyes…it...it scared me. Why were you looking at me like that? Why did your eyes hold such an empty lost look?

Tentatively, I reached up my hand and cupped your cheek and you nuzzled my palm in response, causing your tears to trail over my hand and down my arm before finally coming to rest on the frozen ground. Then leaning down you kissed my lips with such sorrow that it made it sweet, and after lingering there for a few minutes you whispered in my ear;

"Goodbye, Keiko."

Then you turned and walked away.

You walked away and didn't look back, leaving me standing there shaken and confused. After all you were just going on another mission. You would be back in no time…wouldn't you? Why then did this 'goodbye' feel so final? Why did it feel as if you were saying 'goodbye' for the absolute last time?

Realization hit me and I sank to my knee in the snow.

You were gone.

Forever.


	2. Chapter 2 Spring

**The Tree: No Rewind Button (Edited July 9, 2012)**

The months have passed by quickly and yet the days have gone on agonizingly slow. Our tree has lost its white frosting, opting instead for tiny green buds that bring with them the promise of spring, new life, and fresh beginnings.

I wish I really could start over. Rewind my life and begin again. Maybe then you wouldn't have left. Maybe you'd still be here with me to watch the sakura bloom.

But that's impossible.

The fact is, you are gone and with you went the rest of the gang, leaving me with no one…are you really that selfish?

I suppose I should have expected it since after all I wash the only person in our little group without any trace of spiritual energy. It must have been so tiring for you to have a normal human following you around like a lost dog, with nothing better to do and nowhere else to go. You must have gotten so annoyed with having to protect me and rescue me, time and time again, only to have me be kidnapped by yet another of your foes. It was a most vicious cycle. I should never have put so much pressure on all of you and relied on you so often.

No, you weren't being selfish. I was.

Still, even though I think I understand, it doesn't take away from the sting of rejection and the consuming fear of being alone.

Alone.

That word seems to echo throughout my thoughts, as if screaming, "Why are you so afraid of being what you already, so obviously, are?"

It's true, I am alone. And no matter how I try to convince myself, I can't help but feel that..

It's your fault Yusuke.


	3. Chapter 3 Summer

_Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or Keiko._

**The Tree: Living (Edit July 9, 2012)**

I picked at the long sleeve of my shirt as I sat underneath our tree, the hot humid weather causing the cotton fabric to stick to my skin. Silently I wished I had worn a tank top instead, yet even as the thought passed through my mind I knew I wouldn't have risked it. I can't have people seeing the marks that line my arms, a silent testimony to how weak and pathetic I am with out you. Tilting my head back I looked up at the leaves that had long since sprouted from the tiny buds and grown, covering the branches as they did. How our little tree seems so much more luminous this year than in the past, seemingly giving off a strange almost ethereal like glow.

Yusuke, I went to see her yesterday.

When she hadn't answered the door I let myself in, greeted by darkness except for an eerie blue glare being emitted from the living room. Heading towards the pale glow I tripped over something in my path, falling hard on my knee and hissing as pain shot through my leg.

I got up slowly, putting my hand on the wall and using it as leverage, as I stumbled blindly looking for the light switch. Finally I found it and turned it on, gasping at what I saw. Trash littered the floor and covered the counters, dishes were piled high in the sink and pots lay forgotten on the stove, and a thick layer of dust coated anything the garbage hadn't already concealed.

Reaching the living room I looked around with tears stinging my eyes. Sitting on the floor surrounded by empty beer bottles, some broken whilst others were put down carelessly, was Atsuko holding another full bottle. Her greasy unkempt hair was sticking out at odd angles, her clothes dirty and stained. She was staring, with eyes glossed over, at the television on which a familiar face graced its screen. There a 4-year-old Yusuke pushed a little brown haired girl on the swings, smiles adorning both of their faces.

I slowly edged towards her, softly calling her name but received no response or indication that she heard. Suddenly she turned and looked straight at me with unseeing bloodshot eyes, calling out in a voice hoarse from misuse and slurred from alcohol, "Yusuke. Yusuke, you've come home!"

Smiling she tried to get up and make her way over to me, all the while continuing to call out your name. Your laughter coming from the TV was the last straw.

I…I couldn't take it. I had to get out of there. So I ran until I came upon the spot I'm sitting in now. The same spot I sat in all through last night, not being able to bring myself to care if my parents were worrying or not.

At least now I know why our tree is so bright and cheerful this year. It's giving back what you so wrongly took with you, Yusuke. It's doing something for Atsuko and me that we can't do on our own anymore.

It's living.


	4. Chapter 4 Fall

_Dearest Readers,_

_Just thought I would briefly mention that in editing this chapter, I made the biggest change to the originally posted story (in other words, did more than edit the grammar and spelling errors). Originally, Atstuko committed suicide at the end of this chapter and Keiko blames Yusuke, saying it was his fault and that he knew his leaving would drive her to this. That is not the case now. You'll find out why in the upcoming story!_

_Until Next Time,_

_N. M. M._

**THE TREE: OF MORE GOODBYES (Edited July 9, 2012)**

After getting over the initial shock over her obvious mental collapse, I started visiting Atsuko daily. I was apprehensive to actually approach her at first and instead I cleaned around her, leaving a meal on the table before I quickly left. But as time wore on and the green leaves of our tree turned crimson red with bursts golden orange, my visits became longer and longer. I found myself taking comfort in talking to Atsuko, telling her my problems and whispering my fears, even if the only response she'd give was the occasional nod.

During one visit I found myself in your room. I guess I got so caught up in cleaning that I went back to my old habits and went to pick up your dirty clothing, which you had always seemed intent on covering your floor with. I didn't even realize what I was doing until my laundry basket was full and I was moving to make your bed. The basket had slipped from my grasp, the clothes spreading across the wooden floor once more as it landed on its side. There on your night stand was the picture I had given you for your last birthday, the one we took when we went on our first official now I can still feel the weight of your arm as you slinged it around my shoulder and the heat that rose in my cheeks as you pulled me close to your side. I can still hear you sputtering out curses when Puu landed on your head, not wanting to be forgotten from being included from the portrait… and it still makes me laugh.

But right then, I didn't feel like laughing. Rather, I once again fell to the ground, kneeling on your laundry and covered my eyes to shield my tears from invisible onlookers. I tried to hold it back, I really did, but the sobs still passed through my lips and echoed in the quiet apartment. Suddenly I felt myself being pulled against something warm and looking up with my tear streaked face, I saw Atsuko softly smiling down at me as tears of her own started to fall. We stayed that way for what seemed like hours, sobbing, then crying silently when our throats grew dry and hoarse.

I didn't go home that night or the day after. I just let Atsuko hold me on the couch, which I had no memory of coming to, and watched the home videos that had once made me run away.

When I did leave, I didn't make any effort to hide my sorrow. I knew that from that point forward I wouldn't see Atsuko again. Maybe it was from the look she gave me when I had smiled and said 'goodbye' or maybe it was because of the way she had whispered in return,

"Goodbye, Keiko."

Funny how she parted with the same words you did, Yusuke. Funny how that even though when I found the apartment empty today,with nothing but the contents of your old room remaining, I still can't blame her for leaving like she did. After all, it was your shadow that haunted her every step and your memory that plagued her mind incessantly. How could she go on living here, as if nothing has changed?

Everything has changed, Yusuke.


	5. Chapter 5 One Year

_Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own Yu Yu Hakusho._

**THE TREE: GRAND FINALE (Edited July 9, 2012)**

Can you believe it? It's been one year exactly today. One year since you left saying your final goodbye. It's ironic that they had chosen this day to cut down our tree, especially since the ground is already covered in a thick blanket of snow.

When I found out a week ago, I was instantly filled with dread. Each minute that passed in the following days only worsening the sick and hollow feeling in my heart. But then last night, as I knelt in my bathroom with blood trickling down my arms that came to rest in crimson puddles near my knees and with tears pouring incessantly down my face, the strangest yet completely reasonable question popped into my mind.

Why was a tree causing my so much pain?

I had stood up, feeling dizzy and drowsy, and made my way to the gold rimmed mirror hanging above the sink. Two brown, blood shot eyes stared back at me, looking abnormally large on a too thin face. As another tear trickled down my hollowed cheek, leaving a salty trail, I reached up my hand to wipe it away but only succeeded in smearing blood across my reddened raw skin. A million thoughts raced through my mind in that moment. The most prominent being, I did this to myself over a tree.

A tree.

My eyelids grew heavy so I let myself sink none to gracefully to the tiled floor. I guess I fell asleep because the next time I opened my eyes, light was pouring in through the tiny circular window above the linoleum tub. I groggily sat up, using the sink to help me stand and retrieve my balance when my legs nearly gave out. Blinking to clear my sleep fogged eyes, panic surged through me and I rushed to clean myself up, avoiding my reflection at all costs. When I was ready I quickly ran out of my families apartment, that was located above my parents restaurant, and started towards the park.

So here I am now. Standing behind the orange warning tape with the loud hum of the construction workers chain saw filling my ears. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, only opening them when I hear a thud and the sound of the workers starting to shred our trees frozen branches.

I would be lying if I said I did not feel any sadness, because I do, but mostly I feel regret. Regret for this wasted year. Regret for losing you, for losing our friends. Regret for Atsukos departure. And regret for trying to pretend this tree..this plant..was you.

I realize now that it was in fact, what I was doing. I was drowning in the delusion that some how this tree held a part of you and there was some way I could use it to bring you back.

However, it doesn't and I can't. So the best thing I can do is go home and hug my parents as I tell them that I decided to go abroad for college, after all.

But first I have to do something I've unknowingly been dying to ….

I smile to myself and say loudly, as I turn from our trees demise,

"Goodbye, Yusuke."


End file.
